Eleni's Farm
- a tale with more than a modicum of truth
(Times are approximate)
Chapter 1 - Eleni’s surprise decision
In the great northern farms, the decision by Eleni, to appoint a new and untried manager has come as a shock. He’s only a herdsman, they say. No management experience. He doesn’t understand the complexity of cheese nor the economy of cows and how milk must flow north. It always has and why stop now?
In the chocolate shops of the north, Eleni’s risky behaviour causes consternation. For those who like Eleni’s cheeses and who have visited her little museum of rustic handicrafts, and sipped a little of her milk, this account is offered.
Chapter 2 - Milk and cheese in Euro-Farm
For years Eleni’s milk had been enjoyed. Her cheeses of unusual shape and her awkward cows were considered quaint, exotic even. Some milk was spilled but the farm got by, just. But the northern farms controlled the market in cheese, and codified their shape and weight and colour. Milk had to be sold in tetra-packs. Tetra-packs made in the north. If Eleni wanted to join the great Euro Milk Union, with its starry logo, she must invest in tetra-pack plants and make cheeses just so. Brunhilde’s farm and Collette’s farm dominated a small northern town with a bank. The bank would lend Eleni money to improve her cheeses, milk more efficiently and normalise her cows. She simply could modernise or go out of business. With advice from the bank she modernised.
Chapter 3 - First history lesson
Eleni’s farm had had dealings with Brunhilde’s farm before. In fact in Eleni’s mother’s day, Brunhilde’s mother had come and taken over her farm, stolen her cheeses, slaughtered her cows and treated her milkmaids appallingly. The Great Western Farm had disapproved and Brunhilde’s mother had gone back north. She gave Eleni’s mother a Baby Bell cheese as compensation. Eleni’s farm had been almost ruined but with pluck and determination she staggered back into production. It was at this time of need that Brunhilde’s farm and Collette’s farm in the north had formed Euro Farm to suit themselves.
Chapter 4 - The two managers
After the Big Mistake (see Chapter 5 below) Eleni found her two managers. The two managers took it in turns to manage. They had different systems. One favoured the cheese makers and one favoured the milk bottlers. (And yes they did use bottles.) Neither ran the farm very well. But the herdsmen and the milkmaids worked hard, as did the cheese-makers. And people from the north rather liked this farm and would visit, to see the exotic things in the little museum. And Eleni’s farm managed to get by. Just.
Chapter 5 - Second history lesson
After Brunhilde’s mother had been sent back north, and the milkers and cheese makers had had their big fight, the farm stumbled on and Eleni, a young and inexperienced woman, was bamboozled by a man called ‘The Colonel’. He claimed he would run the farm with ruthless efficiency. And he did. But cows vanished in the night. And so did cowherds. Eventually, the children from the tiny farm school chased him away showing enormous courage, for he had a shotgun and used it, frequently. When these children grew up they were determined the Colonel or his like, would never return.
Chapter 6 - The big cheeses
The two managers, who followed the Colonel, had been much like the other cow herders and cheese makers at first. Except their houses had been upwind of the cow byre. The farm-workers noticed, as time went by, that the managers’ houses became bigger, they had larger cheese stores and huge milk lorries came and went in the night. Everyone knew it, but whichever manager had been appointed by Eleni, they promised chocolate bars from the north and gave them to either the bottlers or the cheese makers. And the farm got by. Just.
Chapter 7 - Third history lesson
In Eleni’s grandmother’s day the cattle farm to the east had ruled. Had run things in fact for generations. They had taken all the milk and all the cheese, and any cows they fancied. They didn’t allow the farm school to meet. Pasha Produce they were called and they borrowed the brightest and the best from Eleni’s grandmother’s farm to run their farm too. And they did it rather well, inventing a strange system called Byzantine. Only they understood this system. Pasha Produce grew fat and indolent and eventually the cow-herders, the milkers and the cheese makers on the farm threw out the manager from Pasha Produce. But the system known as Byzantine stayed. And the farm struggled on. Just.
Chapter 8 - How it’s better if milkmaids don’t work
The crunch came recently, when the bank in the town in the north nearly collapsed. Brunhilde and Collette and the owners of the bank (who lived in unbelievable luxury in the ranches of the Great Western Farm), said that could not be allowed to happen. All cheese makers in Euro Farm would have to give cheeses to the bank to keep them solvent. For they were TOO BIG TO FAIL. Now Eleni’s farm had just leased their own tetra-pack factory. They had also had to pay to have their bottling factory removed. The two managers (and all their Byzantine staff), had spent a lot on gold bath fittings – made only in the north – and their debt was called in.
‘Not us’ said the two managers, more or less in union. ‘The ones who must pay are the lazy milkers and cheesers and cardboard cutters. They have never worked as they should and the farm is a mess because of them.’
Eleni didn’t know what to do. A helpful banker came and spoke to her and both managers, and they set up a management council of unity under the direct guidance of an economist. His medicine was simple. Sack half the milkmaids. Sack half the cow herds. Sack half the cheese-makers. Remove all luxuries from the school. Sack half the teachers. Pay the other half, half the usual wages.
‘Let me sell one of your best fields to a more successful manager from Brunhilde’s farm; and give the money back to the bank.
‘Oh, yes. And you will employ a very strong man to frighten the strongest of the herders and cheese makers.’ And that is what Eleni did. And it didn’t work. At all.
Chapter 9 - The disappearing cows
Once the best field had gone, strange things happened. Helicopters, with the stars of Euro Farm emblazoned on them, came at night and buzzed low over the manager’s houses, just to remind them how precarious their position was.
The next morning there were always one or two fewer cows to be milked. The friendly economist, who was now always accompanied by the very strong man, reminded all of Eleni’s workers by email, that they must a) make more cheese and b) sell more cheese whilst c) using fewer cows, less herdsmen and milkmaids and d) no more than the Euro regulated number of cheese makers, all on half wages.
The number of milkmaids drowning themselves in vats of milk went up alarmingly.
Chapter 10 - The future of Eleni’s farm
Well who knows. Since the young herdsman took over, Brunhilde’s farm, its management team and PR consultants, have produced a stream of sound bites reminding Eleni of the dire consequences of trusting herdsmen. Apparently, herdsmen and their ilk are not to be trusted with milk. Some talk of taking away her little museum altogether and giving it to the bank.
Apparently, if Eleni’s farm gave all their milk and cheese and tetra-packs for two whole years, never keeping a single groat for themselves, nor a single cheese to eat, nor sipped any milk, they might pay off their debts. The fact they would all be dead or worse doesn’t seem to phase the economist with his strong man, nor the chocolate eaters of the north.
(Times are approximate)
Chapter 1 - Eleni’s surprise decision
In the great northern farms, the decision by Eleni, to appoint a new and untried manager has come as a shock. He’s only a herdsman, they say. No management experience. He doesn’t understand the complexity of cheese nor the economy of cows and how milk must flow north. It always has and why stop now?
In the chocolate shops of the north, Eleni’s risky behaviour causes consternation. For those who like Eleni’s cheeses and who have visited her little museum of rustic handicrafts, and sipped a little of her milk, this account is offered.
Chapter 2 - Milk and cheese in Euro-Farm
For years Eleni’s milk had been enjoyed. Her cheeses of unusual shape and her awkward cows were considered quaint, exotic even. Some milk was spilled but the farm got by, just. But the northern farms controlled the market in cheese, and codified their shape and weight and colour. Milk had to be sold in tetra-packs. Tetra-packs made in the north. If Eleni wanted to join the great Euro Milk Union, with its starry logo, she must invest in tetra-pack plants and make cheeses just so. Brunhilde’s farm and Collette’s farm dominated a small northern town with a bank. The bank would lend Eleni money to improve her cheeses, milk more efficiently and normalise her cows. She simply could modernise or go out of business. With advice from the bank she modernised.
Chapter 3 - First history lesson
Eleni’s farm had had dealings with Brunhilde’s farm before. In fact in Eleni’s mother’s day, Brunhilde’s mother had come and taken over her farm, stolen her cheeses, slaughtered her cows and treated her milkmaids appallingly. The Great Western Farm had disapproved and Brunhilde’s mother had gone back north. She gave Eleni’s mother a Baby Bell cheese as compensation. Eleni’s farm had been almost ruined but with pluck and determination she staggered back into production. It was at this time of need that Brunhilde’s farm and Collette’s farm in the north had formed Euro Farm to suit themselves.
Chapter 4 - The two managers
After the Big Mistake (see Chapter 5 below) Eleni found her two managers. The two managers took it in turns to manage. They had different systems. One favoured the cheese makers and one favoured the milk bottlers. (And yes they did use bottles.) Neither ran the farm very well. But the herdsmen and the milkmaids worked hard, as did the cheese-makers. And people from the north rather liked this farm and would visit, to see the exotic things in the little museum. And Eleni’s farm managed to get by. Just.
Chapter 5 - Second history lesson
After Brunhilde’s mother had been sent back north, and the milkers and cheese makers had had their big fight, the farm stumbled on and Eleni, a young and inexperienced woman, was bamboozled by a man called ‘The Colonel’. He claimed he would run the farm with ruthless efficiency. And he did. But cows vanished in the night. And so did cowherds. Eventually, the children from the tiny farm school chased him away showing enormous courage, for he had a shotgun and used it, frequently. When these children grew up they were determined the Colonel or his like, would never return.
Chapter 6 - The big cheeses
The two managers, who followed the Colonel, had been much like the other cow herders and cheese makers at first. Except their houses had been upwind of the cow byre. The farm-workers noticed, as time went by, that the managers’ houses became bigger, they had larger cheese stores and huge milk lorries came and went in the night. Everyone knew it, but whichever manager had been appointed by Eleni, they promised chocolate bars from the north and gave them to either the bottlers or the cheese makers. And the farm got by. Just.
Chapter 7 - Third history lesson
In Eleni’s grandmother’s day the cattle farm to the east had ruled. Had run things in fact for generations. They had taken all the milk and all the cheese, and any cows they fancied. They didn’t allow the farm school to meet. Pasha Produce they were called and they borrowed the brightest and the best from Eleni’s grandmother’s farm to run their farm too. And they did it rather well, inventing a strange system called Byzantine. Only they understood this system. Pasha Produce grew fat and indolent and eventually the cow-herders, the milkers and the cheese makers on the farm threw out the manager from Pasha Produce. But the system known as Byzantine stayed. And the farm struggled on. Just.
Chapter 8 - How it’s better if milkmaids don’t work
The crunch came recently, when the bank in the town in the north nearly collapsed. Brunhilde and Collette and the owners of the bank (who lived in unbelievable luxury in the ranches of the Great Western Farm), said that could not be allowed to happen. All cheese makers in Euro Farm would have to give cheeses to the bank to keep them solvent. For they were TOO BIG TO FAIL. Now Eleni’s farm had just leased their own tetra-pack factory. They had also had to pay to have their bottling factory removed. The two managers (and all their Byzantine staff), had spent a lot on gold bath fittings – made only in the north – and their debt was called in.
‘Not us’ said the two managers, more or less in union. ‘The ones who must pay are the lazy milkers and cheesers and cardboard cutters. They have never worked as they should and the farm is a mess because of them.’
Eleni didn’t know what to do. A helpful banker came and spoke to her and both managers, and they set up a management council of unity under the direct guidance of an economist. His medicine was simple. Sack half the milkmaids. Sack half the cow herds. Sack half the cheese-makers. Remove all luxuries from the school. Sack half the teachers. Pay the other half, half the usual wages.
‘Let me sell one of your best fields to a more successful manager from Brunhilde’s farm; and give the money back to the bank.
‘Oh, yes. And you will employ a very strong man to frighten the strongest of the herders and cheese makers.’ And that is what Eleni did. And it didn’t work. At all.
Chapter 9 - The disappearing cows
Once the best field had gone, strange things happened. Helicopters, with the stars of Euro Farm emblazoned on them, came at night and buzzed low over the manager’s houses, just to remind them how precarious their position was.
The next morning there were always one or two fewer cows to be milked. The friendly economist, who was now always accompanied by the very strong man, reminded all of Eleni’s workers by email, that they must a) make more cheese and b) sell more cheese whilst c) using fewer cows, less herdsmen and milkmaids and d) no more than the Euro regulated number of cheese makers, all on half wages.
The number of milkmaids drowning themselves in vats of milk went up alarmingly.
Chapter 10 - The future of Eleni’s farm
Well who knows. Since the young herdsman took over, Brunhilde’s farm, its management team and PR consultants, have produced a stream of sound bites reminding Eleni of the dire consequences of trusting herdsmen. Apparently, herdsmen and their ilk are not to be trusted with milk. Some talk of taking away her little museum altogether and giving it to the bank.
Apparently, if Eleni’s farm gave all their milk and cheese and tetra-packs for two whole years, never keeping a single groat for themselves, nor a single cheese to eat, nor sipped any milk, they might pay off their debts. The fact they would all be dead or worse doesn’t seem to phase the economist with his strong man, nor the chocolate eaters of the north.
Written by M. C. Morison. You may reblog this tale provided you include this line and this link www.tinyurl.com/amazontime
